One of my big goals for my life is to create and connect in a community of people who not only support me, but also understand me. It’s a lifelong goal that will require stepping outside of my comfort zone, giving friendship and support when it’s not convenient and working hard to maintain relationships.
Something my husband has talked about a lot is shared experience. Relationships need that he says and he’s convinced me that he’s 100% right.
There are five women in this world that I count as best friends; D, M, M, E and K. They’ve all been best friends of mine at different stages of my life, but their friendship feels special and important and I will forever count them as some of the most important friendships for me. (I’d like to make a note about some of my great friends too. With more time and a different circumstance, there are several who would have undoubtedly become a best friend. I am lucky for all of my friends – truly.)
With that being said, the intensity of those friendship connections have waxed and waned over the years. The culprit behind the wanes? A lack of shared experience.
Phone calls, texts, keeping up on Facebook are all great ways to maintain a connection initially, but without true time together and that shared experience, the connection and understanding fades. It sucks.
I miss these friendships and I so value the moments when we can reconnect and spend time together to get back to being us. I’m lucky that I still do get time to connect with these ladies. We find ways to plan get-togethers, lunches and dinners together – we catch up on life and kind of reintroduce ourselves – the ever-changing woman navigating all of life’s joys and obstacles. We do change and because our time together is less, those changes can be hard to understand or sometimes not noticeable right away.
And sometimes, even with the best friends, you grow apart. Even with shared experience, sometimes life takes you on a different path and the ways in which you used to be compatible aren’t there anymore.
That’s sad and normal. It doesn’t make me upset though because it’s not like anyone is choosing to leave the other friend or that it’s happening out of anger. It’s a very normal part of life: to find yourself, grow and move forward. Sometimes friends travel with you, sometimes they visit from time to time and sometimes they simply disappear.
I’m really glad that none of my fab 5 have disappeared. I know I could call up any of them and have a conversation.
However, life has moved me around (both in location and emotionally). So right now, I’m kind of lacking a best friend that completely understands who I am in this moment and lives close enough to be available.
That bums me out, but I’m on the hunt. Could my Fab Five become the Stellar Six?
I sure hope so! I’m looking for a friend to parent alongside, who gets some of my parenting choices and can support me and share similar experiences. I want to be able to call her up when shit is crazy and I need a break and I want someone who values my friendship and time to be able to seek help and solace from me as well.
I know I’ll find that, but I’m a different bird and it takes me awhile to completely open up and find a true friend. So here’s to waiting, getting out there, opening up and taking a chance on meeting and finding a similar human!